Anthony Doerr, Memory Wall

llerbear replied to your post: New theme!  It’s better than my old one, yes?…

Yep. It’s lovely. But don’t you have any plans on making the text bigger? So that the words would be easier to read? :)

It’s prettier this way.

AND GURLLL, YOU MAY NEED GLASSES NOW.

LOL, TERE. JUST KIDDING.

New theme! 

It’s better than my old one, yes? YES.

Oh, God. Why do I answer my own questions?

Hilarious conversations I had with my sister today (RE: Donuts):

• I’m going to reheat the donut, okay? Should I use the black microwave or the white toaster? (Me: Just pick one!)
• (Me: Be sure to use the glass plate because that one you’re using is plastic and it would melt.) What would I change? And what would melt? And…what are you talking about? (Me: WERE YOU LISTENING TO ME AT ALL?)
• *walks out of kitchen* MANTA, YOU DO IT! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HEAT THE DONUT! (Me: But all you have to do is open the microwave, place the donut inside and twist that knob to two!) I STILL DON’T KNOW! (Me: DON’T BE LAZY! I’M NOT HEATING THAT DONUT IF I WON’T GET TO EAT IT!)
• (Me: *stands beside Pia as she stands in front of the microwave* I’m right here. So don’t be scared.) What do I do? (Me: Do my words just pass your ears or what? Did yo not listen to me before?!)
• WHAT DO I DO? (Me: OH MY GOD, PIA, YOU JUST OPEN THE DOOR OF THE MICROWAVE.) I’m scared. (*face palm*)
• How do I open the door of the microwave? (*face palm* I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE LIKE A DOOR?)
• *turns knob of the microwave a little when the lights of the microwave turn on* OH MY GOD!!! YOU DO IT, MANTA! I DON’T KNOW. (Me: How is it possible for a person to be scared just because the microwave turned on???)
• How do I open the door? (Me: OH MY GOD. I THOUGHT WE WERE FINISHED WITH THIS ONE. *face palm*) It might be hot, okay! (Me: Just touch the front. The front isn’t hot.)
• How do I get the donut? (Me: Didn’t I just give you a mitten? Do I really have to explain everything to you?)
• (Me: Eat the donut quickly because it’s going to harden quickly. I don’t know why but it just does.)
• Later on: WHY DID THE DONUT HARDEN? YOU DIDN’T TELL ME.
• Me: OH MY GOD THIS DAY IS FULL OF FACE PALMS
• Me: I feel slightly better that I will not be the only person who would fail at life. If my grade is 75, I now know somebody has a lower grade.

That sounds like an insult.

It has now come to this.

I’ve been offline for a few days because my family and I went to the beach to bond with my brother who just came home from Cebu. Cebu has a good review center for the engineering board exams, so my brother went there.

Now I’m back and my brother is going to go back to Cebu tonight.

I was just checking Teresa’s blog and I found out that she has the forms for UPCAT already. 

And now I’m staring at the digital forms which I would soon print if my father would allow me.

My heart is beating wildly and I feel like I am drowning, my hands flailing madly as my fingers try to find purchase on any surface but failing, and I’m panicking and the water, so thick that it’s like mud, is up to my neck and I think of horrible things as my confidence plummets.

I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I am good enough for U.P at all.

I’ve told my family about wanting to be in U.P and my father has told me that maybe I should stay here, that it might be better if I’m close to home. And I’ve always thought that maybe my father was just worried about me because he won’t be there to protect me but maybe, really, my father was telling me, in a subtle kind of way, that I might not be able to go and I might as well just stop before my dreams get crushed. My brother has told me that I should just direct my attention to other colleges, one that is in our city, because he told me the admission tests would be easier to pass. What if no one in my family believed that I would possibly, even to a slightest extent, pass the test?

And I’m starting to believe it.

I’m not saying I’ve thought that I would pass or that what I’m thinking right now is what my family thinks of me, too. But I’m getting extremely nervous and extremely worried. Because what if?

When I think of this school year, I get excited because of the most general of things that would happen: I’m a senior, there would be prom, GRADUATION, finally leaving high school, being sad because I would leave high school, retreats, admission tests, college being so near, getting nervous because I would go to college soon and other things.

I am so excited because of the things that would happen but I’ve never truly took a moment to really think about how I will go through all those things. Especially the admission tests. 

I am so nervous because I think I will never pass the admission tests of the colleges that I would want to go to. I am so nervous because I might be acting foolish. I am so nervous because I might be wrong.

It has now come to this. When the doubt settles in and the confidence leaks out.

But I would still continue on. I would still try. I would still take the test, no matter what my result would be in the end.

Because you know what? At least I tried.

I would never live with myself if I had let my fear take away the opportunity.

Crossing my fingers that the future would be bright! May the odds be ever in my favor!

(Source: apriki)